Pye Jirsa

A relationship built around trauma can be difficult to spot because they can feel “right” in so many ways. They fulfill deep needs created by past traumas and we tend to mistake that fulfillment for closeness and connection. The bonds and beliefs created by these wounds can be so powerful that they can blind each partner to deep differences in values and interests that would otherwise throw the relationship into question.

Pye and Dr. Glen discuss 5 common signs that a relationship is built around trauma and how these relationships can negatively affect other areas of life if left to continue.

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Conflict is stressful and it’s easy to get lost in our elevated emotions. Nobody likes feeling attacked or one may be dead set on making their point. Either way, reason can tend to take a back seat and ego take the wheel, unnecessarily fanning the flames and prolonging the conflict.

However, conflict is inevitable and necessary for growth and healthy dialogue is key to finding an effective resolution. To do so, Pye and Dr. Glen walk through 5 commonly made mistakes to avoid during conflict and provide alternative approaches to more productive conversations.

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So far in our Roadmap episodes, we’ve discussed Desire and Quality Time as two key components for what makes a successful relationship and what happens when either are absent. Today, we’re going to discuss the final piece of the Stupid-Simple Relationship Method: Sustainability.

Sustainability dictates our emotional cost in maintaining a relationship. When we say a relationship lacks Sustainability, what we’re saying is that the emotional costs are so high that it’s eroding our Desire to continue the relationship. Without Sustainability, we can’t close the loop and continue feeding Desire. We stop wanting the relationship because “it’s just not worth the effort.”

While within Sustainability, we can find the reasons WHY your relationships end, we can also find also the solutions on HOW to keep your relationships healthy.

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Today, we’re tackling some more of our community-submitted relationship questions.

Our community is important to us! We love hearing your feedback and answering your questions. If you’re curious about anything relationship related, you can DM us your questions on Instagram at @12weekrelationships. While we don’t offer direct relationship advice, we may select your question for an upcoming Q&A episode. Don’t worry, we 100% respect your privacy so we promise your name will remain anonymous.

This is the second part of our latest relationship Q&A so be sure to check out Part 1 here.

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When relationships grow apart, we often hear people fall back on explanations like “We just got too busy,” or “We don’t live near each other anymore.” But the reality is that the relationship ended because it was nothing more than a casual relationship that was supported by circumstance rather than deliberate choice.

Within these situational relationships, or Situationships, Desire is not a factor because the Quality Time is created by a circumstance such as work or school, and Desire to pursue more never develops. So when the circumstance that created the Situationship is no longer there, the relationship naturally grows apart.

Situationships still provide great value, meaning, and emotional benefit to our lives within the context of the circumstance, so it’s important to enjoy them for what they are while taking the time to understand what propels some relationships forward, while others remain at a distance.

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Like any relationship dynamic, some level of fighting and disagreements is expected in a family. There are healthy ways to settle disagreements but toss in a bit of dysfunction and things can quickly spin out of control.

For those constantly finding themselves in the middle of family drama, seemingly to no end, Pye and Dr. Glen lay out some real-life examples and tips for diffusing the situation as well as healthier alternatives to approaching sensitive issues with family.

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Why is it that most of our acquaintances never turn into friendships? Along the same lines, why do most of our friendships tend to fade over time? What we’re getting at here is Desire.

Desire is essentially the “want” for the relationship. The emotional benefits that justify your efforts to create a new relationship or support your choice to spend time with an existing one. Without Desire, friendships and relationships fade away or simply never form.

So what creates Desire and why can it be so fleeting?

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We’re back with more community-submitted relationship questions!

We love collaborating with our incredible community so if you’re curious about anything relationship related, you can DM us your questions on Instagram at @12weekrelationships! While we don’t offer direct relationship advice, we may select your question for an upcoming Q&A episode. We respect your privacy so we promise your name will remain anonymous.

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Most of the relationships you create will fail to have long term significance. Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong with you! This truth applies to virtually everyone. Of all the people you’ll encounter in your lifetime, a small portion will be a part of your social sphere. An even smaller portion will become close friends, and even fewer, intimate relationships.

Also, who you spend your time with will significantly influence who you become, and so because our resources are so limited, we owe it to ourselves to cultivate the right relationships.

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